Once, a long time ago, I was trying to design a computer program to generate sentences in another language with which to practice translation skills (okay, so I was actually just trying to help someone much smarter who was designing the program for me). Anyway, it turns out that as long as you kept to simple enough structures, it would be comparatively easy to get the computer to spit out grammatically correct sentences. The problem was that the vast majority of the sentences would still make absolutely no sense. You’d get things like, “The fat green silence nearly licked both students.” or “Yesterday there was a completely wide shore in your bicycle.” Now, if you’re practicing translation with sentences like that, you’ll possibly lose your ability to make sense in any language.
What does this have to do with hockey, you ask? A couple nights ago I tried to watch half an episode of this show entitled Rent-a-Goalie, which if you live in
I have not the slightest idea why one would want to rent a goalie. I mean, I’ve never heard of anyone renting football players. Who is renting them? What do they do with them? Is there a shortage? If so, why? What is the advantage to renting a goalie rather than just buying one? And don’t the goalies themselves feel a bit like whores in this whole situation? If they’re in such high demand, couldn’t they just rent themselves and get a higher percentage? Do these mysterious people ever need to rent skaters? Who the hell are all these vaguely sinister mafia-type guys hanging around? Is there a Canadian hockey underworld? And if so, what is its interest in this whole goalie-pimping business? And what’s with all the teenagers? Doesn’t anybody have to go to school? Why does the whole thing take place in a coffee shop? Is it some sort of front for the goalie-rental business, to protect it from the hockey mafia? And why are all the goalies apparently insane? Is that supposed to be characteristic of the species in general, or is it a feature of the show?
I think this is because although I am in
Weirdly enough, I have knowledge of baseball culture, football culture, and especially basketball culture, even though I have absolutely no grasp of the games. I may have no idea what a quarterback’s actual game-function is, but I know what the idea of the The Quarterback is. I have no idea what the acronym ‘RBI’ refers to, or what the number that follows it says about a baseball player, but somehow I still feel a gut thrill at the idea of a home run, and a reflexive sentimentality about Wrigley Field. I don’t know much about Michael Jordan as a person, but I know what Michael Jordan symbolizes.
I have none of this type of knowledge of hockey.
I need a Canadian-to-American translation program.