Thursday, November 09, 2006

Repeat After Me...

"We've gone through this before. I'm not trying to hurt anybody,'' said Torres, a fierce checker who sent Doug Weight to the sidelines in last year's Cup final.

"I'm not trying to hurt anybody; I have to finish my hits out there, it's part of the game. I'm not trying to hurt anyone, I wish him the best - I hope he's all right.''

Full Article

(Link shamelessly stolen from Off Wing Opinion)

Maybe if you repeat it often enough, it will magically become true! Of course you're trying to hurt people. Maybe you don't want to hurt anyone that badly, you don't intend permanent damage. But "I'm not trying to hurt anybody."? That's a pretty ridiculous lie, especially following the statement "We've gone through this before." If you've had to address this sort of situation frequently, than you are either:

a) simultaneously incredibly clumsy and incredibly unlucky

or

b) trying to hurt people

Granted, I don't know this for sure, but based on the evident pride with which they describe your 'fierce checking', it seems more or less like you're paid to try to hurt people. It's what you do, and evidently you do it well. Come on, don't get all squeamish on me. Take pride in your work. Look at the Oilers message boards: you'll find ranks of people rhapsodizing about your obvious talent at the infliction of pain.

And it's a talent that will take you far beyond hockey. Maybe someday you'll take an unusually 'clean' or 'beautiful' hit yourself, and sure, your career on the ice will be over, but there are a lot of jobs you can get with an aptitude for hurting people. You'd be amazed at the number of employers out there looking for a guy who can break limbs and crack skulls with flair: the Mafia, the CIA, loansharks...

Come on, everybody, all together now: "We don't want anyone to get hurt."

Repeat as needed to fend off 3 am bouts of self-loathing.

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